Last year, it suddenly occurred to me that my fears were holding me back from living life happily and to the max. It's not like my fears came out of nowhere, but I certainly haven't been afraid of the things I'm afraid of now for my whole life. Some fears stop me doing things, some don't. The psychology of fear is incredibly interesting to me, and I'm not even a psychologist so my knowledge and understanding doesn't even run that deep!
Back to my story: I was swimming in the sea off the coast of Tenerife, feeling absolutely terrified of hurting myself or drowning. It didn't stop me swimming, but it ate away at my enjoyment. "Why was I so scared?" I thought to myself. A few years ago I was stung by a sea urchin while swimming in Cambodia, and since then the thought of swimming near rocks, or even treading water, has made me feel a bit ill. Perhaps this was a remnant of being stung? A few years before I was stung, I was body boarding in Kenya, got caught up in a wave and my leash got stuck under a rock (typical Hollywood movie scenario lol). I thought i was going to drown. I didn't obviously, but I came out of it bruised and scratched with a head full of salty water. It's a wonder I still swim in the sea at all, but I won't go in unless I think I can handle the waves. Perhaps this is a remnant of almost drowning?
But even if my fears are based on past scary events, I still survived. So why am I still scared? I'm not going to answer that question here, but what I am going to do is encourage both you and myself to overcome our fears, simply because it is possible and it will improve our lives.
I think one of the lucky things about fear is that it's all about mind over matter. Unless you are doing something particularly dangerous, chances are you will be just fine. Recently, I was swimming in a river with my boyfriend. There was a bridge nearby, maybe 3 metres above the water, that you could jump off into the fast-flowing river. I had no qualms about getting in the river via the metal steps, floating down a bit, and getting back out, but when my boyfriend suggested we jump off the bridge my heart skipped a beat and I started to feel a bit sick. Lucky for me, and this is a really good tip if you're trying to get over your fears, my boyfriend is my number one cheerleader. Calm, encouraging, supportive, not pushy, bullying or belittling. We sat on the bridge together holding hands while my heart pounded and my whole body shook and I wondered if I might vomit instead of jump. I said out loud, "Why am I so scared? I've done this before!"
I had done it before. All the damn time in fact up until a few years ago! To be honest, I can't remember why I stopped - lack of things to jump off maybe? The first time I jumped off a diving board my swimming teacher had to hold my hand (I was eight and it was cute, okay!), but from then on I was flinging myself off every diving board I could find, even the top diving board for goodness sake! But there I was, sitting on a little bridge over a river, quivering with fear.
So I started reasoning with myself: "I'm may be a weak swimmer, but my boyfriend isn't, he will save me. There's a lifeguard. Wait, there are two! It really isn't far to jump. If it wasn't water I would do it. I'll feel amazing if I do it! High five to me!" and so on.
This seemed to work, because I suddenly turned to my boyfriend and said, "Hold my hand. We'll jump on three. 1 - 2 - 3!" Cue a blood curdling scream from me! And there it was, mind over matter! I am stronger than my brain's natural desire to keep me alive and living a boring life.
And you know what? I don't even know what I was so scared about because little did I know the scary part was yet to come. There was a big, fat rope across the river that people were playing on. I was totally unprepared and got caught with the rope across my belly. The current kept pushing my head under the water, and I couldn't move against it to go over or under. I can't imagine the terrified look I gave my boyfriend, but it must have signalled to him that I thought I was going to die because he grabbed my arm and pulled me under the rope.
THAT was the scary bit. It just goes to show that the truly scary things in life cannot be envisaged. You won't see them coming, but you will fight to survive (or you will be rescued!). So do that scary thing, whether it's taking a leap, eating something or seeing someone, whatever it is just do it! You will feel amazing for doing it, and it won't be nearly as scary as you imagined. Brains are funny things see, they want you to survive so they make you feel scared, but a different part of our brains is strong enough to conquer our fears.
Next step: telling that rope who's boss so I can totally enjoy jumping off the bridge!
For those of you looking for more inspiration in overcoming your fears, watch this TED talk by astronaut Chris Hadfield. It's truly enlightening and thought-provoking.
What are you afraid of? Tell me about it, and how you have/plan to overcome it!
Much love,
Bemsy xxx
